Mrs. Emily Vance: August 2014

Part I.

I hate my body.

I hate my body. But not for reasons you would assume. Just like any woman does, I have my insecurities when it comes to my size because every magazine tells me I am not thin enough. But over the years I have found that my "ideal" weight and size is where I am now. And most days I don't mind.

I hate my body because I have a chronic skin disease, psoriatic arthritis, that causes my skin to grow too fast, which makes it fall of faster than it should, resulting in itchy red blotches, burning, bruising, and even weight loss. My body is constantly attacking itself, kicking my immune system into overdrive, which recently has caused me to lose more weight than I would prefer. My clothes don't fit right, which makes me feel frumpy in whatever I wear. I have been asked countless times if I am "doing alright" and if I am eating. Which only makes me assume people think I have an eating disorder, but believe me, I don't. The problem is, when I eat food that triggers my psoriasis, my body works in overdrive, which makes me lose even more weight. I recently went on vacation, ate my weight in butter (grandma's cooking!) and I stepped on the scale. I thought I would have gained a few pounds, I lost three.

Summer has become my worst enemy. I used to love the sun, the beach, and any excuse to wear short dresses. But because of my psoriatic arthritis, my skin looks like I was hit by a bus. Not only do I have red blotchy patches, but from the scratching (that is nearly impossible to control when you are asleep) I have bruises up and down my body. And to avoid any other questions, I just cover them up.

I can't run. Just a few months ago, I was running five miles a day, and I loved it. But over the past month, my psoriasis has progressed so much that sweating has become extremely painful. And to top it all of, my nails are literally falling off. It may not seem like a big deal, but lately it has been killing my self esteem.

Believe me, this isn't a cry for attention and I am not looking for a pity party, but I am hoping that talking about it will make it seem not so bad. As of now, there is no known cure. I could take steroids, but no specialist likes to use them because the risks outweigh the benefits. I could have extremely painful injections underneath my nails once a month, but there is only a 1/5 chance that will work. So for now, I am putting on my big girl panties and dealing with it.

Part II.

Dealing with it.

Some of you may not agree and may believe that I should just own it. But right now, I can't. I prefer to keep it covered it up. Maybe with time I will get more comfortable in my own skin, but right now, I am just not there yet. But if anyone else out there is interested and looking for solutions, here is a little bit of my wardrobe and how I don't spend too much money on clothes when mine just aren't fitting right.

Tights have become my best friend! My jeans have gotten way too big and I hate wearing them. Tights are so much cheaper, and so much more comfortable. And they aren't baggy! I have been paring my summer dresses with tights and ankle booties, so I am still able to wear all of my favorite dresses without having the world see my bruised up legs!

Boots are the best. If you have psoriasis or anything similar, you know how it is almost impossible to not scratch. Mine is really bad on my legs, so I almost always pair boots with leggings. It helps me not scratch at my legs so much when I have boots on.

If you haven't heard of it yet, ThredUp is an amazing online consignment store. So when you do need to break down and finally buy new clothes, you don't have to spend a fortune. They have all sorts of designer labels and you can even send them your gently used clothing for cash!

Jean button downs and sweaters are needed year round. The arthritis part of psoriatic arthritis makes you achy. Very achy. Especially when it is very humid or very cold outside. Oversize button downs and sweaters are perfect to keep rolled up in your bag for whenever you need it.

For some reason, because I can crochet, people think I can sew. But the truth is, I almost failed home economics in high school because I couldn't even sew a straight line. I think part of it has to do with the fact that I got in a fight with a sewing machine when I was twelve and the sewing machine won, resulting in 3 stitches. And because people think I can sew, their left over fabric always ends up in my crafting closet. Fabric that is much too beautiful to be thrown away. So with the help of Pinterest for inspiration, I created this lovely wreath for my mom's birthday gift...and it was made with the leftover fabric from her wedding!

Directions:

Step 1: Untwist a wire hanger into a circle. It doesn't have to be perfect because the fabric covers it all!

Step 2: Cut or tear strips of fabric. I tore mine to make the edges frayed. My strips were about an inch wide and seven inches long.

Step 3: Begin to tie the strips around the hanger with a basic knot. Be sure to keep it tight and to push the fabric close together.

Step 4: Once all of the fabric is on, don't forget to "fluff" it up by turning the ribbons. Feel free to decorate it however you want! I just added a simple flower, but I will be going all out for my wreath at Christmas!

Step 5: Hang and enjoy!